Faith Update

So, as you may have read in my previous post, I was in the midst of a crisis of faith. Despite knowing that I am living pretty darned authentically, some of life's practicalities (like cash flow) were giving me a prime case of the panics.

Two days ago, I was cleaning a church. It seemed as good a place as any to send out a fervent plea to God: Help me! I needed some guidance--am I in the right place? Am I doing the right thing? Should be considering employment at a fast food franchise?

When I got home, I checked the mailbox. And what, my friends, should I find but a delightful package from Pattie Mosca, who had joined the Spring ATC swap. I couldn't wait to see her cards, but imagine my surprise when I discovered the absolutely wonderful little blank book I show here. Inside she wrote:

Just a place to believe...a place of faith... And on the back is an angel with a tile that says, "Faith."

Pattie, I do believe you were the voice of God that day. My faith is restored.

Manifestation, Interrupted

I am a huge, huge fan of the Abraham-Hicks book Ask and It is Given. It was recommended to me several years ago, before The Secret became all the rage, and I have returned to this book again and again. Thanks in part to its clarity, I recognize that we live in a vibrational universe, and I know that I create what comes to me through the power of my intention. Yes, yes. I know that my emotions are an indicator of what I'm bringing to into my life, and that the wrong thing to do is to fester in anxiety; as Gloria Karpinski says, "Worrying is praying for what we do not want". I know all this, and yet, my fear persists.

For a year now, Scott and I have been building our lives of self-employment and working from the heart. Our cleaning business is doing well, we're both making art, we spend lots of time with the kids and I'm getting my healing practice off the ground. In all these respects we are absolutely living the dream.

Except for one: money. For a while, when I worked in the 911 biz, we had all the money we needed. We had extra money. We saved money. I sat down and paid all the bills at once at the beginning of the month and didn't think about it again. Okay, sure, I was working in a job that was increasingly making me sick with stress and panic, but hey--those bills were paid.

Now I love my life, but the bills nip at my heels like terriers. It is said that money is the easiest thing to manifest--so it is time for me to manifest it! I guess I'm still hanging on to two beliefs here. One, that if I have enough, someone else will not (athough this belief is negated by the limitless nature of the universe); and two, that I don't deserve it. I should live on less. I should be broke. That all artists and healers are broke and besides, if I had half a brain in my head I wouldn't spend so much time at Target. I should be like the Tightwad Gazette lady who buys all her worldly goods at yard sales and spends about three bucks a month.

But I am not like the Tightwad Gazette lady. I am not a tightwad. I experience wealth by spending, not saving; it may not be ideal stewardship, but it's true. So now I am living on the fence between two beliefs. One is a persistent belief in lack and limitation, that there is not enough, and certainly not enough for me and my family.

The other is a newer belief in abundance. My head knows there is plenty for everyone---everyone. Including me, including Nepali villagers, including Somali tribesmen, including everyone. The universe is flooded with energy and potential, and what else is life but energy and potential? We are creators and I can create a life that is prosperous AND in line with my heart's true desires. I can have enough of everything I need, including enough to pay the bills, buy landscape rocks, send the kids to Jazzercamp and go to Quizno's after our long cleaning nights on Tuesdays. My head knows this.

It's time for my heart to catch up! I'm sick of being scared. I'm like the kid afraid of the monster in the closet, when really the closet contains everything I need.

Sun Sun Sun

Here in Eastern Washington, it was winter until about two weeks ago. My children were still wearing their heavy coats, the trees were bare, the wind slapped my face like an affronted debutante. I was in despair.

Then, without warning, the miracle of spring. Only somehow we rocketed right past spring (hovering only long enough for me to institute a Spring Swap) and dove into summer. This past weekend the mercury hovered in the low nineties and the earth was reborn.

In my own back yard, the lilacs are blooming, the grass is lush and green, and all the perennials have at last unfurled. But do I stay in my own back yard? Never! It being such reasonable weather and all, we hitched up the trailer and went camping. And what a weekend for camping! Extraordinary! We camped next to a swamp screaming with peeper frogs and alive with gabbling ducks and geese, dipped our collective toes in Lake Wenatchee (toes being numb in the glacial melt, we went no further), played mini golf in the roaring heat of the afternoon. Oh, it was just incredible.

Then, on the ride back home, it occurred to me that for the first time in eight years, I am not required to spend my summer taking 911 calls. That, my friends, is over. Instead I get to do some cleaning, some healing, some creating, some parenting...a little bit of this and that just about every day. Dang, it does feel good. This is my handmade life...and I love it.

Beaded Doll, "Peace Like a River"

Springtime ATC Swap is nearly here!

Hello my friends...and especially the friends in the Springtime ATC Swap! I know, it's incredible how four weeks seems like four weeks until something is due. Then four weeks seems like four minutes.

That said, I know at least two of you wonderful swappers have sent out your cards. I'm hoping to receive them all by the end of the week, so if you haven't finished, feel the spring....feeeeel the spriiiiing....

I just finished my set today. I pilfered the fabric from a bouquet of Mother's Day flowers. Perfect!